Wonder what the cat will think about a Panther in the house

This gentleman will be staying with us for the week. Even if he's not into kvlt metal, I'm sure we can find things to talk about.

You can hear him speak this Friday night at the Al-Fishaway Cafe (motto: "come for the limited beverage selection, stay for the printing options").

Say it with me

A few weeks ago, I sat around my living room with a few other mature, educated twentysomethings listening to the audio pronunciations of naughty words in the Merriam Webster Online Dictionary. We found some gems. Did you know that the "s" word and the "son of a b" word both have two accepted pronunciations? Do yourself a favor and check them out.

Something new under the sun?

All this news about the election in Palestine... Apparently a political party that flirts with theocracy and has a history of violence has come to power. I would just like to state for the record that, as a resident of the United States, I have never heard of anything like this happening anywhere before.

Sucker for peer pressure

I probably listened to .000000004% of all new music that came out last year, so if you'll excuse my casual observer status, here are ten hot records from 2005, ranked for the hell of it.

10. Martyrdod In Extremis - I've only listened to this a couple times even though I've had it for months, but I love Martyrdod's sound so much that I decided to include them here. Brutal Swedish hardcore punk seduced by black metal. Way more interesting than their first record. Nobody else sounds like this.

9. Stormcrow Enslaved in Darkness - Not groundbreaking, but awesome throwback metal crust from the Bay Area that could blow up like Hellshock if they get their act together.

8. Growing Live - Guitar-based drone duo who do the quiet thing and the loud thing equally well. Note to self: see this band live and get around to picking up their studio recordings.

7. Alias and Ehren Lillian - His brother Ehren adds some saxophone, but this is an Alias record. Not as monumental as Muted, but still on the dark side of things and guaranteed to result in excessive head-nodding if not actual booty-shaking.

6. Tiger Lou The Loyal - I dare anyone to listen to this once and then not want to listen to it again and again. Keep in mind, kids, Rasmus is a drummer by trade who decided to pick up a guitar and start writing rock songs. Dave Grohl's got nothing on him except a pile of money and a severe misreading of the HIV situation.

5. Jesu s/t - I know I should be flogged for having never really listened to Godflesh; I'll leave the comparing and contrasting to someone who has. Justin Broadrick's back in business, and the new stuff's great. Eight long tracks with dark/heavy underbellies capped with shimmering melody. The Jesu Heartache ep would probably be on this list too if I'd heard it.

4. Lau Nau Kuutarha - Laura Naukkarinen is one of the brightest stars in the weirdo-Finn-folk constellation. Don't be intimidated by that label though; Kuutarha is eccentrically orchestrated, but it's beautiful.

3. Venetian Snares Rossz Csillag Allat Szuletett - Generally known as the most brutal drill-n-bass dude in the business, Aaron Funk decided to build a record around melody rather than snare sputter. Strings take a front row seat here (Funk learned how to play violin to make Rossz... ) with tasteful (but still busy) programmed percussion underneath. It grooves like crazy, even with practically every bar written in 7.

2. The Decemberists Picaresque - I think I first heard this band about halfway through last year, fell head-over-heels for them, and, after regaining my composure and straightening my tie, still find them brilliant months later. Top-notch songwriting, top-notch lyrics, smart and catchy as hell.

1. Mountains s/t - My favorite record of the year. Four tracks of extended electroacoustic warmth. The musical equivalent of sitting in front of a fire, maybe? Laptops, yes, but the heavy use of "proper" instruments puts this record over the top. Seeing them live was icing on the cake. If you've heard this record, and you like it, check out the band Tape, who have a similar compositional approach and are surely an influence on Mountains (and who might also be on this list if I'd heard their '05 output).

Top 473 Records You Didn't Hear This Year

Well, their lists aren't quite that arcane, but I'm sure everyone will find something to scratch h/er head about at the Aquarius Records 2005 staff favorites. And no, I haven't heard Kiss the Anus of the Black Cat either, despite their appearance on multiple AQ lists.

Just making an appearance

Since it's, you know, my blog, I thought I'd stop by and say something. (Please ignore the post below this; it's too much of a downer. Like Waylon the Great Dane, I've put it all behind me.) Last night was the first New Year's Eve in my life that I didn't spend in some sort of structured environment. But then again, 2005 was the first birthday I spent sleeping in a broken van in England, so, you know, it's been a year of changes. Between 9:30 and midnight, I spent about thirty minutes with fellow bipeds; the rest of my time was occupied by members from other parts of the animal kingdom. Hope everyone else celebrated safely, happily, and foodfully (I was actually sent away with a care package from a gathering I joined only briefly - very much appreciated, even if those responsible will likely never see this).

Just visited Andrew's '05 music round-up, which features things I agree with, things I don't agree with, and stuff I'm too ignorant to have an opinion on. To my knowledge, none of my other friends put anything like this together, so (A) gets my exclusive recommendation. (Pitchfork's Worst Releases of 2005 is worth a read too. Dude can write funny.) I'm bad at compiling best-of lists as it is, not to mention that 2005 held some significant recording-buying and downloading droughts for me. So no lists from me. My punk side highly recommends Stormcrow's Enslaved in Darkness. My increasingly demanding mellow side recommends the folk-dappled ambient beauty of Mountains s/t. Lots of other stuff I was into, but not in the mood to sort it out at the moment.

I've gotta brag about some recent purchases before I sign off. I finally gave in this year to the tempation of buying more vinyl, despite the continuing convenience of the disco compacto. Shortly after I made the decision, I became broke as shit, so I couldn't afford much of anything on any format. Money has, in modest quantities, returned to my pockets (and to my lost and found(!) wallet), and in the past month I managed to find the following gems for absurdly low prices. Would you part with some $35 for:

Bad Religion - Suffer LP
Bad Religion - No Control LP
The Hafler Trio - A Thirsty Fish 2xLP
Harvey Milk - Courtesy and Good Will Toward Men 2xLP
Ottowa/Jihad - split LP
Richard Youngs and Simon Wickham-Smith - Knish LP

You wouldn't? Yes you would. Don't lie to me on my own blog.

Aghast: in the midst of our annual winter activity before spring hibernation. Shows in Richmond 1/5 and 1/14 and a mini recording session likely.
A New Spelling of My Name: M.I.A., but not necessarily D.O.A. All acronyms used in their original non-music senses.

A heads-up: arrangements are being made for a transatlantic shipment of mutiple DVD's full of the darkest humor you've never seen in the form of Jam. John/Kadd joint custody. Screenings to follow.