Let them eat asphalt

Seriously . . . the Segway is the dumbest invention of the last decade. Maybe that's not fair: able-bodied people who have bought Segways are the dumbest people of the last decade. Seems now the machine can suddenly shift into reverse, causing serious injury to the rider and, additionally, dampness in the drawers of those fortunate enough to witness it. I now regret even more never having been chased by one of those chump Segway-mounted MPD officers. I saw another one today in Union Station. Definitely a great tool in high-foot-traffic areas. Well done, Chief "Dude, Where's My Car?" Ramsey. I bet the Segway cops are able to catch up to 50% of criminals too stupid to, I don't know, run up or down a step.