World's Worst Menu

Walking dogs has made me pay attention to how disgusting the ground is. The area on and around city sidewalks is littered with all sorts of foul-to-lethal items--which the dogs that I affectionately call my "shiteaters" are bent on ingesting. So my eyes need to be a step ahead of their noses. They're not always. So I've developed the following philosophy for the times when a ground nugget makes it past their lips: if it doesn't sound crunchy, at least it's not a bone; if it does sound crunchy, at least it's not a condom.